Street Vendor : "bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito!
pag namuti, white gold!

pag huminto stopwatch!"

gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako
virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
bf : ano? isa lang ah?!
gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!



Couple talking:
wife : hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas.
husband : hello!? electrician ba ako?
wife : eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin.
husband : hello!? karpintero ba ako?
umalis c husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa
bahay. tinanong niya wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.
wife : kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami
sira dito sa bahay. so he offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake ako ng cake.
husband : so pnag-bake mo siya ng cake?
wife : hello?! baker ba ako?!

ANG MARRIED LIFE....
May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay
inabot ng 5 am.
Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng:
"HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!"

Husband: "Parati na lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!"
Wife: "Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!"
Husband: "Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!"
Wife: "Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!"

Sa harap ng nursery window;
Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive
Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!

Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife
and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

Friend: "Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!"
Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!"
Friend: "Surprise? Ano occassion?"
Husband: "Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!"

Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can
turn men into women.
After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable,
irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"

WIFE: I'm warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour!
HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?
WIFE: kaya nga! kung may balak ka, GAWIN MO NA!!!

WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO
HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako..

Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na
to, let's make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising
bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na.

HEHEHHE!

Population policies of countries:
China : Stop at 1 child.
Singapore : Stop at 2 children
Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!

RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space
USA : we're 1st in the moon
ERAP: we'll be the 1st in the sun
USA : you can't go there, you'll burn
ERAP: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!

Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?
American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!


"SUMPA"
Hindi na makakatikim ng napakasarap na 'Sex' ang huling
bumasa nito!
Ayos safe na ako...papayag ka bang IKAW ang huling
babasa nito?
hehehe!!!



Street Vendor : "bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito!
pag namuti, white gold!

pag huminto stopwatch!"

gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako
virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
bf : ano? isa lang ah?!
gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!



Couple talking:
wife : hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas.
husband : hello!? electrician ba ako?
wife : eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin.
husband : hello!? karpintero ba ako?
umalis c husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa
bahay. tinanong niya wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.
wife : kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami
sira dito sa bahay. so he offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake ako ng cake.
husband : so pnag-bake mo siya ng cake?
wife : hello?! baker ba ako?!

ANG MARRIED LIFE....
May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay
inabot ng 5 am.
Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng:
"HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!"

Husband: "Parati na lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!"
Wife: "Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!"
Husband: "Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!"
Wife: "Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!"

Sa harap ng nursery window;
Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive
Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!

Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife
and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

Friend: "Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!"
Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!"
Friend: "Surprise? Ano occassion?"
Husband: "Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!"

Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can
turn men into women.
After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable,
irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"

WIFE: I'm warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour!
HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?
WIFE: kaya nga! kung may balak ka, GAWIN MO NA!!!

WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO
HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako..

Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na
to, let's make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising
bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na.

HEHEHHE!

Population policies of countries:
China : Stop at 1 child.
Singapore : Stop at 2 children
Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!

RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space
USA : we're 1st in the moon
ERAP: we'll be the 1st in the sun
USA : you can't go there, you'll burn
ERAP: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!

Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?
American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!


"SUMPA"
Hindi na makakatikim ng napakasarap na 'Sex' ang huling
bumasa nito!
Ayos safe na ako...papayag ka bang IKAW ang huling
babasa nito?
hehehe!!!

may dalwang lalake nakaupo:

boy 1: "tol Smart ka ba?"
boy 2: "hindi"
(sasabihin na sna nya na Globe xa...pero biglang sinabi ni boy1...)
boy 1: "ah oo tama...nde ka Smart...bobo ka.."

haha

no offense sa mga hindi smart subscribers...bobo kayo...
joke lng po
peace

e2 pa...

Sa Anatomy Class...

Teacher: Class, today's activity is to draw/sketch female genitals, in 30 mins...start now...

Girl: (sumilip xa sa loob ng palda nya...)

Boy (seatmate ng girl): Ma'm o! May nangongodigo!

----------------------------------------------------------------
mautak na janitor:
isang araw sa school may nakita na janitor na dalawang estudyanteng nag sesex:

janitor: AHA! your against the school policy!
student: ano naman nagawa namin?
janitor: NOT WEARING SCHOOL UNIFORM
--------------------------------------------
BOY1: Alam mo pare, amoy tinapay ka...
BOY2: Talaga pare?! Anong klaseng tinapay?
BOY1: PUTOK...

--------------------------------------------------------------
Q:anong bibe ang maliit??
A:edi panDUCK

Q:ano ang tawag ng star na nasa gitna?
A:edi bitwin..

Q:ano tawag sa taong nagbebenta ng beans?
A:edi BEANdor

Q:ano ang laging sinasakyan ng mga magician?
A: chedeeeeng!

Q:anong pagkain ang mabilis?
A:edi so-pas

Q:e ano ang masmabilis sa sopas?
A:edi pastah
-------------------------------------------------------------
bisaya:nars, my back is herts beri mats!
nurse:ok, i'll give you a shot of morphine.
bisaya:no!no!no!no! no morpeyn! as sus ginnooo day! i want les peyn!
------------------------------------------------------------------

baket my pulang itlog?...

baket?...

kc, kinamot ng kinamot!
---------------------------------------------
sbe n juan s pusa...

JUAN:meow
pusa: meow meow
juan: meow meow
pusa: whatever
--------------------------------------------------
naguusap sila eba at adan

EBA: Adan, anu yng nkalawit syo?
ADAN: ito ang bayani s buhy ng mga lalaki, eh anu nmn yng biyak s gitna ng hita m?
EBA: ito ang libingan ng mga bayani!!!

----------------------------------------------------
a kid asked her pregnant mom.
"anu nasa tiyan nyo"?
mom:kapatid mo
kid:love mo ba sya?
mom: syempre naman, oo.
kid: weeee! adik ka pala! bat mo kinain?
-----------------------------------------------------
2 room mates
rm1: pare ganda ng panaginip q kgabi,dinidlaan q daw boobs ni angel locsin...
rm2: tang ina mo pare kaya pala basa ung pagitan ng pwet q!!

------------------------------------------------------------
may 2 magtropa nag iinuman..

guy1re bakit hanggang ngaun wla ka pa ring girlfriend??tanda na natin ah,,aq nga nakakailan na,,wala kbang natitipuhan??

guy2blushed) ,,meron kya,,manihd ka lng kc..

------------------------------------------------------------
in a class discussion...

teacher:there are 5 birds,the hunter fires at a bird,,how many birds had left?
juan:4 mam,,because the other flew away..
Teacher:the answer is 4,but i like ur thinking,,

juan:ok mam,,now ill ask u a question,,there are 3 women at the ice cream shop,,the 1st woman is licking her cone,the 2nd woman is biting her cone,while the 3rd woman was sucking her cone,,who is married on the 3 women?
teacher:hmm..i think the 3rd woman??
juan:no,,its the one who have wedding ring on the finger,,but i like ur thinking..
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: anung difference ng kulangot xaka plato?

A: ang plato sa ibabaw ng mesa nilalagay.. ang kulangot sa ilalim!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Hari: Ano gusto mong parusa? Ipakain sa leon o pasukan ng bubuyog sa pwet?

Pedro: Mas gugustuhin ko pong pasukan ng bubuyog sa pwet.

Hari: Mga kawal! ilabas si Jolibee!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Anak: Itay, bibili ako ng band paper.

Itay: Anak, wag kang bobo ha? Hindi "band paper" ang tawag dun!

Anak: Ano po ba?

Itay: Kokongban!
erap: (nagtetext keh loi) loi pasaload ka nga ng 2pesos meh ttext akong importante eh last text ko na toh...

loi: cge etoh na (nagpasa ng load)

erap: (natanggap na ang load) salamat sa pasaload ah...

loi: ur welcome.. wag ka na magreply piso nlang yan baka macheckop ka...

erap: OK...

:d-----------------------

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
gf; san tau pupunta?
bf: punta tau dun sa madilim!
gf:ha?
bf:trust me
gf:ok
"pagdating sa madilim"
gf:bakit ka naghuhubad?
bf:relax ka lang
gf:maghuhubad din ba ako?
bf:ha? tatae ka rin?
---------------------------------------------------------------
mrkissing his wife's shoulder) hon, cge na!
mrsnaiirita) bumabagyo!
mr:ayaw mo yun? malamig? cge na.
mrs:TANGA! nasa evacuation center tayo@ andaming tao! di kana kahiya!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Last...
Isang lasing nasalubong ang isang matabang babae na may kasamang aso...

Lasing: Hoy, saan mo nakuha yang baboy?

Babae: Aso ito, hindi baboy!

Lasing: Huwag ka ngang sumabat! Yung aso ang kausap ko!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Last na talaga!

Amo: 'Day, gamitin mo itong chalk pamatay ng ipis, sulat mo sa pader.

Maid: Yis ati!

Next day, nagulat ang amo, nakasulat sa pader: Epes mamatay kayung lahat! Syet pakyo!

Peace!

Speaking Japanese - Filipino/English to Japanese translations:

Manok - Sekken
Mamaya - Sakana
Joke - Biru
Stereo - Akai
Cook - Giza-giza
Ayos - Furo oke
Fingernail - Koko
Laughed - Anata-wa
This - Itto
Small piece of cloth - Retasu
Cornfield - Mais-san
Hindi Masyado - Natsu
Cigarette - Yoshi
Ipagpaumanhin - Kamisori
Is this your property? - Arimoto?
Yes, this is my property.- Arikoto.
Is this yours? - Sayobato?
This is mine. - Sakinitu.
Can I have it? - Akinato?
You can have it. - Sayonato.
Can we have it? - Saminato?
You can have it. - Sanyonato
You've grown so thin! - Kitanabutomo!
We saw each other. - Kitakami.
We had a big get-together. - Kitakitakami.
That was my assumption. - Inakarako.
We will boycott the election. - Kaminoboto.
Are you a victim of discrimination? - Minamatakaba?
I give up. - Sukonako.
Ouch! - Haraiku!
What a sad life it is. - Hainaku.
Is this your car? - Otomoto?
Is this my car? - Otokoto?
Is this your noodles? - Mikimoto?
I'll take this. - Kukuninkoto.
This is my desk. - Itodesko.
Speechless? - Wasabe?
An ampalaya (bittermelon) - Kurukurubot
What are your thoughts? - Kuru-kuromo?
I am thinking. - Munimuniko.
Are you playing the guitar? - Gigitaraka?
Is this your underwear? - Jakeemoto?
Are you annoyed already? - Iniskanabane?
You're crazy!!! - Sirauromo!!!

A phone is a form of communication, a kiss is a form of affection, a picture is a form of remembrance, CHOOSING me as ur friend is a form of... Good Taste!


Basahin sa alphabet na TAGALOG ang bawat titik


B K K W L M G W. T W K H H H. T W P H H H. T M N P R K N T NGA.


Wen u r sad Im lonely, wen u r happy Im glad, remember dat whatever u feel I feel 2x wd wat u feel, kaya kung feel mo cute ke, EHEM mas cute ako! Hehe! Smile


dear OPEL, NISSAN ka na? Wer hav u BENZ? MITSUBISHI ka pa ba? KIA txt kta, jas 2 say hi. DODGE wat frends r FORD d ba? AUDI see u na lang! Lov, R.Royce


ttotoo nga kya n ang mag cute mahina s feeling & foor sa grammar? My Gas! Did dey sure? Wat does dey proof? It is hurts 2 me.. I don't bileave these!


I made a cup of coffee specially for you. Wala pang asukal yan! D bale, swit naman yon sneder. Good Day!


MATHEMATICS of a MEANINGFUL life: ADD a little sacrifice, SUBTRACT hatred and anger, MULTIPLY friends and DIVIDE love for everyone to share.